I can't imagine...

What a unifying perspective.

behavior

musings

One Thing Straight

Let's get one thing straight here... if you can read the below and still justify your bias against gay relationships? Well, then I guess the moon is also made of green cheese. (Yes, of course that is a non sequitur... oh well!).

 

GLBT

same sex marriage

same-sex-relationships

lgbt

religion-and-politics

PS- there is no gay agenda!  

Jesus loves outlaws

Jesus was an outlaw, Jesus loves outlaws. And Jesus even loves these folks too.

I know they say that ignorance is bliss, but seriously, why be ignorant?

GLBT

same sex marriage

same-sex-relationships

lgbt

religion-and-politics

PS- there is no gay agenda! 

Why are you gay?

One afternoon I was hanging out at a BBQ with a bunch of friends. Most of them happened to be lesbians. I don't remember how the conversation started, and I don't even remember what I said. What I do remember is at one point of the ladies interjected: "nobody chooses to be gay, you're born that way." I don't think I believed that at that point. The life(style) I was raised within made sexual orientation all about a "choice" and a "lifestyle." So, what else would I have believed about my orientation?

First, some levity on the topic.
See how you do at matching up the terms with the definitions. Pretty funny stuff!  

“In our culture, it used to be that a woman was either gay or she wasn’t. Nowadays we have so many words to describe ourselves; it would take a task force of PhDs in queer vernacular of the day, or a very skilled clairvoyant to decipher them all.”

Match the following concepts with their definitions listed below.

_ born to be a lesbian

_ converted lesbian

_ lesbian by choice

_ bisexual

_ transsexual

_ fluid sexual identity

a) a former heterosexual who finally admitted her disillusionment, dumped her husband & became a lesbian

b) a woman who possesses the yet to be found lesbian gene

c) only her surgeon knows for sure

d) a woman who has experimented with both males & females before deciding on the better sex

e) a free spirit who wants her (beef) cake and Edith, Suzie, Mary and other females too.

Now, secondly... more serious discussion on the topic. 

Why am I gay?

What’s the first answer that comes to your mind?

• I’m being tested by God to see if I’ll remain obedient and faithful.
• I’m being tempted by the enemy who wants to destroy me.
• I was born with a defect in my personality or a genetic flaw.
• Something happened to me in my childhood.
• I gave into sin because I was spiritually weak.
• I was just born gay.
• I’m not really gay. I only fell in love with a woman.

Depending on where you are in the reconciliation process your answer to the question might be different today than it was last week or last month, and different than it might be a year from now. (cont.)

I have thought about that simple proclamation from that friend at that BBQ off and on through the years. Is she right? I don't know.

A blogger friend over at the Unseen Disciple has written a thorough article on this whole ongoing debate over whether one chooses to be gay or is born gay.
Here is an excerpt, but there is much before and after this excerpt worth soaking in.

[...]“It is true that on some level, there is a choice to be gay. But it isn’t a choice about the state of affairs over which we have no control. We cannot deliberate over ends! A state of being is an end, so I cannot choose that state of being. What I can choose is my behavior. So I can choose to be unacceptable but authentic (or ‘congruent with myself’ as my friend has it), which I chose at 40, or I can choose to be acceptable but inauthentic. Ugly choice! But note I don’t choose the authenticity or the acceptability, but the paths or my actions that will promote one set or the other.

...We do make choices. We can’t escape making choices. To quote Sartre, we are condemned to be free—we cannot but choose. And as gays, we are forced to choose between authenticity and acceptability. But that’s speaking loosely. Being more careful with our terms, we are forced to choose between those actions which will promote authenticity and those which will promote acceptability.” [...]

Why are you gay?

same-sex-relationships
gay-life
lgbt
GLBT

Let go of what you think you know

I have had so much sadness and frustration surrounding how individuals who were once friends, allies or even family, use religion to control, damage or sever relationships. I have posted about these types of situations at various times in the past.
Recently I read something on a blog that (IMHO) gets it right. Something I wish those aforementioned friends or family would be able to really and truly internalize and live.

Quote: So what is it about? Forget the rules. Forget the religion. My faith is grounded in a relationship with a person. A person who’s an example of how to live right. … Someone who knows me – who really knows me – and who chooses to love me anyway. Someone who has the authority – and chooses to use it –  to forgive me my biggest mistakes. Someone who keeps on giving me second chances. Someone who frees me to get up, brush myself down, and try to do better next time.

The person in Jesus.

YES! I would even add “Amen!” Why is it that Christians hide behind “love…” while cracking a bat to the back of your knees with “…but, hate the sin”?
I have often commented “everything after the ‘but’ is true.”
That is exactly how it feels. It is so disingenuous to hear “I love you, oh… but I hate who you are.” Don't hide behind love to spread hate.

Meaning behind my blog name

One of my blog buddies posted on this topic and it got me thinking about how and why I started this blog. Let me see here. It was the Fall of 2006...

One of my 3 jobs at the time was working for a non-profit (Christian) counseling center. I liked working there because it brought in a wide variety of clientele consisting of individuals who needed help, but were not finding objective professional help in the church environment. I had been working there about 6 months when the director called me into his office. Not unusual. But this time he had that foreboding look on his face. He stated that they had gotten an "anonymous tip" via email (how can an email be anonymous?). Bottom line? The email sender stated they were going to withdraw their financial support of that counseling center while they were "harboring a lesbian" (rolling my eyes). My boss then gave me the DADT line (you know, "you don't have to say anything"). But how could I keep working there and hiding who I was? So I did "tell"... and was released from my job. I couldn't believe it. This was a professional place of business who employed credentialed professionals to administer mental health services (this was not a church). And this company was actually in a city that had a well known non-discrimination ordinance. The catch? It was a non-profit company and therefore not held accountable by the law.

Sure, I still had 2 other jobs. But the experience was surprisingly disappointing. My partner noted that I should "write about it." I didn't really have a venue to write about it... until my son suggested starting a blog. Perfect. An "anonymous" outlet on the Internet to write about my experiences and feelings. Would anyone read it? Who knew. Who cared! I had a place to vent. And I did, even citing the city ordinance and discussing how ridiculous it is that the "separation of church and state" thing gives non-profit companies the right to ignore the laws of the land.

The name of my original blog at blogger? "Burning or Building Bridges in the Community." That name came directly from the motto of the company above that fired me solely due to my sexual orientation, which was "building bridges in the community." They were not building bridges in the community.

My blog was actually at blogger for about a year and a half, at which time I discovered that my blog had been unexpectedly “locked” and was viewable only by me (if I logged in). I looked into this in blogger’s help groups, and apparently, there were many other blogger authors in this limbo presently as well! Evidently, at the beginning of 2008 blogger began a crack down. (e.g.: flagging what they thought were “spam blogs”). The problem with their “crack down” is the sheer volume of blogs for blogger to scan left lots of room for error. In December ’08 I received the following from Blogger: “Since you’re an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not a spam blog. Automated spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and we sincerely apologize for this false positive.” Without remedy I just decided to move my blog.

I was very happy with my new blog home at WordPress from April 2008 until about January of 2010. Around that time, some trolls who "knew" me through knowing my partner, infested my blog. I discovered that my "anonymous" blog space to share and vent and write was no longer a safe space. I still wanted to be able to blog from time-to-time, and hoped that the trolls would have actually have moved on with their own sordid lives and were not still  hunting around the Internet to see what I may be writing about. (It's not like there is a First Amendment to the Constitution of America or anything that would protect my ability to freely write whatever I choose to about my life).   I then chose to make the WordPress blog "private." Those who had access could still read it, but it was necessary to close the windows to the unwelcome.

So here I am back at Blogger. My blog name changed slightly with this move to "Bridge Travels on the Journey." The original reason behind the name of my blog no longer really applied to the content, and since my Bridges blog itself had so many travels and I still wanted to share some portions of my journey -- I opted for the name modification. 


That's pretty much the story right there.  Thank you to you kind and genuine souls who are still walking the bridge with me all these years later.

Ways to "convert" gay Christians (not)

Here are some ineffective ways to “convert,” convince, coerce or change gay Christians.

• Quote scripture at them. Using, or misusing passages from the Bible bent to suite your purposes does not work! Many of the same verses are used over and over, without the user fully having studied the context or meaning of the text.
• Question their salvation. Pretty presumptuous for any human to determine for another their spiritual destiny.
• Call them an “abomination.” You mean like eating shellfish, coming to church with glasses on, or playing football without gloves on “abomination”? Another selective (mis)use of scripture (more at this link).
• Use the “sinners aren’t going to heaven” argument against them. What about: “there are NONE righteous” and “ALL have sinned”? (Ro. 3:10 & 23). A Christian is only saved by grace and faith. Name one single person that attacks LGBT individuals who is not a "sinner."
•  Telling them their love is a “counterfeit.” Really? How? And don’t say because “gay couples cannot (naturally) conceive children from their union.”
•  Telling them they are not good (or even “fit”) parents. It is not true, and it will only push them farther away from anyone or anything like the person attacking their parental nature!
• Label them “reprobate” or aberrant. This is definitely not how to “win friends and influence people”! I know those trying to “convert” gays are not trying to “make friends” but seriously, this is not at all an effective influence tool.
• Use shame.
• Lump them in with pedophiles or porn addicts. Baseless and cruel, solely for the purpose of fear mongering.
• Use condemnation.
• Tell them that their “lifestyle” is unacceptable. What is all this about “lifestyle”? What is so different about what “I do” than “you do”? I work, feed my kids, pay my bills, go to church, go to the grocery store, help in my community (more at this link).
• Treat them like “lepers.” It was my first day in Grad school. It was ethics class. There was a very large couple sitting amongst the students. When talking about various individuals one might encounter and have an ethical obligation to, the gay population came up. The couple then said in concert together: “I could never counsel THOSE people!” How sad! Definitely not a “WWJD?” perspective, but unfortunately, all to common amongst Christians and their gut reaction to gay persons.
• Look like you are going to “vomit” when you find out someone you know is gay. After a wedding attended with friends, one was talking about how much she liked one of the bridesmaids. The other looks at her and said: “Duh! She is gay!” And that person, no kidding, looked like she was going to vomit! I knew right then, no matter what, I could never “come out” to them.
• Withdraw relationship/fellowship from a person. You will be “rid” of that “sinner” friend or family member that way, but you will not have moved them to “covert”… only moved them to find a more loving and affirming place to hang out.
• Send them to go to a fundamentalist retreat in order to get them “healed.” Ex-gay “ministries” or the like are simply fruitless.
• Telling them “If God doesn’t judge you people, He will have to apologize to Sodom.” I have heard it said: “People don’t know what the Bible says about homosexuality, they only know what they have been TOLD that the Bible says about it.” Why is it, that of all the things mentioned in the Bible, this is THE one that is at the top of their worst “sin” list? I heard a professor answer a class that was clamoring about “gay marriage” with a question to them. What is the ratio in the Bible of number of times “homosexuality” (or references to it) is mentioned vs. the number of references to how God expects us to treat the poor? Silence, then some guesses. 7 to 1? 10 to 1? No, he answered: “700 to 1. So until we get it right as far as how God expects us to treat the poor, I have no right to condemn gay people.”

gay-christians

glbtq-christians