Mission of Mercy

Later this week I am traveling across country to visit my Mom. I have not seen her for years. I have been busy being a Mom and working to pay the bills. My Mom has not made any trips either. She is in her 60s, still works full time. She survives, but that is about all. After somehow making it though decades of torture at the hands of my father, all she had left in her was energy to survive. Recently I heard from my brother that my Mom has lost her will to live. So, now I hope that somehow--in addition to going to her Dr. with her--I can find a way to infuse some life into her during my few days with her.
Below is a story I read a while ago that reminded me that my mission of mercy with my Mom this week is less about doing... and more about being.

It was 77-year-old Jungian analyst and author Marion Woodman who captured my imagination with her address on “Women, Power and Soul.” 

Her questions were clear: “How do you hold presence for others? How do you hold love for others, with no agenda? Who really saw you and heard you and didn’t ask for something in return?”

Her message was compelling, and yet it paled in comparison to what I heard next.

During a stay in India, Marion became very sick with dysentery, captive in her hotel room for weeks. Finally, desperate to escape the room, she gingerly made her way to the hotel foyer one afternoon to sit and write a letter to her husband. Sitting quite near the end of a long, empty couch, she began to write.

Soon, though there were many other seats available, a very large brown woman came and squeezed between Marion and the end of the couch, so close to her that their arms were touching, so close that it made it difficult, even impossible, for Marion to write.

Marion scooted away, angry at the invasion of her space. The woman scooted closer, pushing up against her. “Every time I moved, she moved, until,” as Marion described it, “we ended up at the other end of the couch.”

Once she stopped moving away, Marion realized what a nice, big, warm arm the woman had, and so they sat, a thin bird of a pale white woman and a big brown woman, arm to arm. Not sharing a common language, they couldn’t speak, but sat in silence. Marion gave in to the broad warm arm, the presence of the other, and relaxed into her.

The next day, she went again to the hotel foyer to write. And, again, the woman came and sat touching her, next to her, silently. And the third day. And the fourth day, as Marion’s health improved.

This couch dance continued for a week. And one day, a man appeared as the two women finished their silent, warm-armed vigil.

“You’re all right now. My wife won’t come back tomorrow,” he said to Marion, nodding toward her couch compatriot. “Your wife?,” she thought to herself, startled at his intimacy. “Why is she here in the first place?”

She was unprepared for his quiet and simple answer.

“I saw you were dying and I sent her to sit with you. I knew the warmth of her body would bring you back to life,” he said.

It took a moment for the magnitude of his message and the enormity of what these two strangers had done for her to sink in.

“She did save my life,” Marion said quietly in recounting the story. “That this woman would take the time to sit with me…and, most importantly, that I could receive it…

 "That," said Marion Woodman, “is relatedness.”

That is what it means to hold presence for others.

PS- My Mom has always been a brilliant musician. I sure hope I get to hear her play the piano when I am there. When I saw her last, she did sit and play for me. When she was done with her magnificent piece of music, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said "I haven't lost it." No, Mom, you haven't.

behavior

musings

If you don't...

ignorance is bliss

... or at least it is for the unaware, unconscious, uncouth and unenlightened.
Yesterday at work a group of employees in another department started holding forth at a volume hard to ignore. Their topic for the day was unbelievably uneducated opinions about religion and the rapture. I just sat there shaking my head. For two reasons. One, generally talking about religion in the secular workplace is a no-no. Two, I have never heard such wacky opinions about "the rapture." Understandably this was a popular topic after that guy mispronounced the "rapture and end of the world" last Saturday (of course, now that it did not come true, he has changed is date). But, I had to let it go because, unlike the kids in that department, the adults in my department had work to do and interventions to make.
Then today at work the same employees in that other department started loudly expressing their misinformed and misguided opinions about gay people as "fact." Some of the low-lights included: "people are gay as a result of their environment," and "I know there are a lot of kids that need homes but gays shouldn't adopt." My ire was a rising... especially compounded after yesterday. I could not believe that such ignorance is still so pervasive... especially among the under 30 crowd. (This group has also offered their toxic teachings on political party issues and abortion -- doesn't seem to just be an isolated incident or two).
Again, I had too much work to perform to attempt an intervention with those half dozen people in an attempt to enlighten and edify them. I did, however, let the management know that a group of employees were creating a "hostile work environment" with their bullhorn level discussions on loaded topics. We'll have to see what happens. 

To quote a line from one of my favorite movies: "morons, your bus is leaving!" Follow the arrow to escort the ignorance out of the building. 


religion-and-politics
gay-life
politics
same-sex-relationships

upside-down

Ways to "convert" gay Christians (not)

Here are some ineffective ways to “convert,” convince, coerce or change gay Christians.

• Quote scripture at them. Using, or misusing passages from the Bible bent to suite your purposes does not work! Many of the same verses are used over and over, without the user fully having studied the context or meaning of the text.
• Question their salvation. Pretty presumptuous for any human to determine for another their spiritual destiny.
• Call them an “abomination.” You mean like eating shellfish, coming to church with glasses on, or playing football without gloves on “abomination”? Another selective (mis)use of scripture (more at this link).
• Use the “sinners aren’t going to heaven” argument against them. What about: “there are NONE righteous” and “ALL have sinned”? (Ro. 3:10 & 23). A Christian is only saved by grace and faith. Name one single person that attacks LGBT individuals who is not a "sinner."
•  Telling them their love is a “counterfeit.” Really? How? And don’t say because “gay couples cannot (naturally) conceive children from their union.”
•  Telling them they are not good (or even “fit”) parents. It is not true, and it will only push them farther away from anyone or anything like the person attacking their parental nature!
• Label them “reprobate” or aberrant. This is definitely not how to “win friends and influence people”! I know those trying to “convert” gays are not trying to “make friends” but seriously, this is not at all an effective influence tool.
• Use shame.
• Lump them in with pedophiles or porn addicts. Baseless and cruel, solely for the purpose of fear mongering.
• Use condemnation.
• Tell them that their “lifestyle” is unacceptable. What is all this about “lifestyle”? What is so different about what “I do” than “you do”? I work, feed my kids, pay my bills, go to church, go to the grocery store, help in my community (more at this link).
• Treat them like “lepers.” It was my first day in Grad school. It was ethics class. There was a very large couple sitting amongst the students. When talking about various individuals one might encounter and have an ethical obligation to, the gay population came up. The couple then said in concert together: “I could never counsel THOSE people!” How sad! Definitely not a “WWJD?” perspective, but unfortunately, all to common amongst Christians and their gut reaction to gay persons.
• Look like you are going to “vomit” when you find out someone you know is gay. After a wedding attended with friends, one was talking about how much she liked one of the bridesmaids. The other looks at her and said: “Duh! She is gay!” And that person, no kidding, looked like she was going to vomit! I knew right then, no matter what, I could never “come out” to them.
• Withdraw relationship/fellowship from a person. You will be “rid” of that “sinner” friend or family member that way, but you will not have moved them to “covert”… only moved them to find a more loving and affirming place to hang out.
• Send them to go to a fundamentalist retreat in order to get them “healed.” Ex-gay “ministries” or the like are simply fruitless.
• Telling them “If God doesn’t judge you people, He will have to apologize to Sodom.” I have heard it said: “People don’t know what the Bible says about homosexuality, they only know what they have been TOLD that the Bible says about it.” Why is it, that of all the things mentioned in the Bible, this is THE one that is at the top of their worst “sin” list? I heard a professor answer a class that was clamoring about “gay marriage” with a question to them. What is the ratio in the Bible of number of times “homosexuality” (or references to it) is mentioned vs. the number of references to how God expects us to treat the poor? Silence, then some guesses. 7 to 1? 10 to 1? No, he answered: “700 to 1. So until we get it right as far as how God expects us to treat the poor, I have no right to condemn gay people.”

gay-christians

glbtq-christians

The Reason

Christmas time means many different things to any number of different people. I know what this holiday has meant to me in years past. Sometimes the season has taken on a different focus depending on what was happening that particular year.

This year has been one of the most challenging years on record in recent history. So, what does this holiday mean to me this year? What is the reason for the season this year? I read a post by a friend yesterday and things began to come back into focus for me.

"Tis the season for sharing and giving. Not receiving. Not wanting. Not being greedy. Not even football or food or shopping. But for giving. To others. For absolutely nothing in return. Make sure that those around you feel welcome and that their needs are met. For it is in giving that we receive."

The story from the post where I pulled this quote is definitely worth reading and pondering in its entirety! I am very grateful for the reminders. Christmas is not about the gifts under the tree--or about who is under your roof (or not). What is it about? See above. I couldn't say it any better.