Showing posts with label on the mend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label on the mend. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Less like scars...

What the devil is Turkish Delight? Well, many may already know that it is is a confection made from starch and sugar. It is often flavored with rosewater or lemon. OK beyond the kitchen. What is the deal with Turkish Delight?
The below will illustrate further the context to which I am referring, and the place from which I am posting:
Turkish Delight ends up being the addictive confection to which Edmund Pevensie succumbs in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis.
Where do I begin with my thoughts on this?

Edmund Pevensie, while in Narnia he meets the White Witch, who plies him with treats (Turkish Delight) and smooth talk. Tempted by the White Witch’s promise of power and seemingly unending supplies of Turkish Delight, Edmund betrays his siblings, but eventually regrets his actions.
That is a pretty good place to start with where my thoughts are.
When I was young and did not wear nearly as many scars as I do now, I remember hearing that story for the first time and thinking “I cannot believe that Edmund totally betrayed his loved ones– all for some silly candy — Turkish Delight!”  Well, as with most everything else in my life, I should know better than to ascribe judgment to anyone or anything unless I have walked in that person’s shoes or experienced those circumstances.
Why is it that humans can be so easily led astray by things that look good, that taste good — that promise to fulfill us or fill our hungers? Why is it that we could so easily forget that there are others out there that love us and are counting on us — as we look away from them and look deeply into the eyes of what is in front of us wooing? I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I now know how easy all of those mistakes are to make — now that I am older and possess many more scars.
Does anyone else remember the part of the story with Edmund and the “White Witch”? His siblings tried to warn him. I think Edmund even called her another name other than “White Witch” — like a "queen." It didn’t seem like it was all that long before the sweet tones, open arms, warm blankets and fresh “Turkish Delight” offered by the Queen of the North (or White Witch) were all taken swiftly away from Edmund. Taken… just at the very moment that he wanted it so very badly! And not only that, but as I remember it — the delicious confections he had eaten eventually turned sour in his stomach and he felt very ill.
In the beginning, the confections of this world offered by those who seem lovely beckon so sweetly. “Come! Taste me! You will love me! You have never had anything like me!” And then, just as we get comfortable and accustomed to the receiving of such wooing and satisfaction? That is the very moment it is snatched from out of our hands. That is the very moment (metaphorically speaking) that the “Queen” becomes the “Witch.” And that is the very moment that whatever it was that we were taking into ourselves begins to turn sour within us and sicken us.
Not only that, as if that was not enough of a sad end to such a misadventure, but others that truly love us end up being hurt as well. It is not enough that we are humiliated because we fell for the oldest ruse in history — but also that people we love (and would never intentionally hurt) end up being hurt very much.
Poor Edmund goes through quite a time after this. Aslan does appear in order to rescue Edmund… but at a price. Those who are familiar with the story know the price exacted in this instance to redeem Edmund.
In the present day real-world realm, there is often a price to be paid for being led away from the ones we love as well. Why are these painful lessons so many times learned the hard way? I do not know the answer to that question. But I am grateful for redemption and grace, and I am grateful as time passes that the wounds look less like scars and more like character. 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Bridge Burning

For those who know the history of my blog, that has been traveling the web for about 5 years now, will understand the title of this post.
I remember one day I was looking for the perfect burning bridges song on the web. I just could not find one that I really liked. Until yesterday... The new Foo Fighters album came out...
This is not the first time I have posted a Foo Fighters song that I really love. Here is my current fav. song from the new album: Bridge Burning.
(You can click on the pic. to hear the live performance from Monday's installment of the Daily Show.)
"Your bridges are burning down
They're all coming down
It's all coming round
You're burning them down
It's all coming round
They're all coming down
Your bridges are burning now

Oh let me put you in your place
I love it when you say
Giving everything away

Tell now what's in it for me
Tell me now what's in it for me
No one's getting this for free
Tell me now what's in it for me
Whatever keeps you warm at night"
(Lyrics and song by Foo Fighters)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Meaning behind my blog name


One of my blog buddies posted on this topic and it got me thinking about how and why I started this blog. Let me see here. It was the Fall of 2006...

One of my 3 jobs at the time was working for a non-profit (Christian) counseling center. I liked working there because it brought in a wide variety of clientele consisting of individuals who needed help, but were not finding objective professional help in the church environment. I had been working there about 6 months when the director called me into his office. Not unusual. But this time he had that foreboding look on his face. He stated that they had gotten an "anonymous tip" via email (how can an email be anonymous?). Bottom line? The email sender stated they were going to withdraw their financial support of that counseling center while they were "harboring a lesbian" (rolling my eyes). My boss then gave me the DADT line (you know, "you don't have to say anything"). But how could I keep working there and hiding who I was? So I did "tell"... and was released from my job. I couldn't believe it. This was a professional place of business who employed credentialed professionals to administer mental health services (this was not a church). And this company was actually in a city that had a well known non-discrimination ordinance. The catch? It was a non-profit company and therefore not held accountable by the law.

Sure, I still had 2 other jobs. But the experience was surprisingly disappointing. My partner noted that I should "write about it." I didn't really have a venue to write about it... until my son suggested starting a blog. Perfect. An "anonymous" outlet on the Internet to write about my experiences and feelings. Would anyone read it? Who knew. Who cared! I had a place to vent. And I did, even citing the city ordinance and discussing how ridiculous it is that the "separation of church and state" thing gives non-profit companies the right to ignore the laws of the land.

The name of my original blog at blogger? "Burning or Building Bridges in the Community." That name came directly from the motto of the company above that fired me solely due to my sexual orientation, which was "building bridges in the community." They were not building bridges in the community.

My blog was actually at blogger for about a year and a half, at which time I discovered that my blog had been unexpectedly “locked” and was viewable only by me (if I logged in). I looked into this in blogger’s help groups, and apparently, there were many other blogger authors in this limbo presently as well! Evidently, at the beginning of 2008 blogger began a crack down. (e.g.: flagging what they thought were “spam blogs”). The problem with their “crack down” is the sheer volume of blogs for blogger to scan left lots of room for error. In December ’08 I received the following from Blogger: “Since you’re an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not a spam blog. Automated spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and we sincerely apologize for this false positive.” Without remedy I just decided to move my blog.

I was very happy with my new blog home at WordPress from April 2008 until about January of 2010. Around that time, some trolls who "knew" me through knowing my partner, infested my blog. I discovered that my "anonymous" blog space to share and vent and write was no longer a safe space. I still wanted to be able to blog from time-to-time, and hoped that the trolls would have actually have moved on with their own sordid lives and were not still  hunting around the Internet to see what I may be writing about. (It's not like there is a First Amendment to the Constitution of America or anything that would protect my ability to freely write whatever I choose to about my life). ;)  I then chose to make the WordPress blog "private." Those who had access could still read it, but it was necessary to close the windows to the unwelcome.

So here I am back at Blogger. My blog name changed slightly with this move to "Bridge Travels on the Journey." The original reason behind the name of my blog no longer really applied to the content, and since my Bridges blog itself had so many travels and I still wanted to share some portions of my journey -- I opted for the name modification. 


That's pretty much the story right there. :-) Thank you to you kind and genuine souls who are still walking the bridge with me all these years later.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

These things take time

Healing, recovering, getting over, getting through... mending... these things all take time.

What's a girl to do when she has lost so much and has so little within her power to change any of it? Just wait.

On the mend...