A need I can't explain

“Sometimes we feel drawn to something that seems forbidden because it feels like a way out of pain; sometimes it feels like an escape from the mundane; sometimes it feels easier than continuing to carry the burdens we bear.

And sometimes we reach a pivotal point in our lives and we don’t realize it until we’ve already turned – just a bit. Enough to turn back if we want, wrenching the gears and causing some pain; or clanging into a new experience with the inelegance of unfamiliarity.

So it’s easier to call it wrong, to feel guilty, to seek restoration to the familiar. Because the familiar is familiar, sure – but also because we are grown-ups. We made our own familiar lives. We made what we live. And we wonder if it’s stupid or impulsive or cruel or immature – or WRONG – to change.

It may feel easier to call that THING "something else" because it’s too complicated and too messy and too disrespectful to call it a drop of water in the desert; or a pinpoint of light in the darkness. This is especially true if we didn’t know we were so thirsty and in such profound darkness.

And it may be an obsession which reveals that something has subtly shifted of-course and needs to get back on track.

Just as often, because we’re grownups, it’s a sign that we’re not really who we thought we were. The things that draw us, call us, reveal us, reach deep inside us, can be endlessly surprising. That kind of vulnerability can feel debilitating when it happens just when everything was going SO well. And it can hurt like the dickens to know that even turning a little bit toward that "something" will bring agony to people we have loved forever.

But we are not two-dimensional children with a penchant for petulance and a love of candy. We are full-grown women making a pathway through life and love where none existed before.

What if there’s nothing wrong with that?”

A blogger friend of mine once shared the above amazingly eloquent narrative with me. (After the Rumi quote). It was so creative, memorable and redemptive, that I want to share it again here.

“Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” (Rumi)

Bridge Burning

For those who know the history of my blog, that has been traveling the web for about 5 years now, will understand the title of this post.
I remember one day I was looking for the perfect burning bridges song on the web. I just could not find one that I really liked. Until yesterday... The new Foo Fighters album came out...
This is not the first time I have posted a Foo Fighters song that I really love. Here is my current fav. song from the new album: Bridge Burning.

(You can click on the pic. to hear the live performance from Monday's installment of the Daily Show.)

"Your bridges are burning down
They're all coming down
It's all coming round
You're burning them down
It's all coming round
They're all coming down
Your bridges are burning now

Oh let me put you in your place
I love it when you say
Giving everything away

Tell now what's in it for me
Tell me now what's in it for me
No one's getting this for free
Tell me now what's in it for me
Whatever keeps you warm at night"

(Lyrics and song by Foo Fighters)

A long way down

"There's a little moonlight, dancin' on the sand
There's a warm breeze blowin' by the ocean as your takin' my hand
You need to know, where I'm standin' now
That I'm right on the edge of givin' in to ya
Baby its a long way down.

If I fall, can ya let me down easy
If I leave my heart with you tonight,
Will you promise me that you're gonna treat it right
I'm barely hangin on, if I fall, can you let me down easy

The scent of your perfume, floatin in the air
Lookin like an angel, lyin on a blanket with a halo of hair
And those lips, look to good to be true
Once I taste that kiss, I know what'll happen
I'll be at the mercy of you

If I fall, can ya let me down easy
If I leave my heart with you tonight,
Will you promise me that you're gonna treat it right
I'm barely hangin' on, so if I fall, can you let me down easy

If I fall, can ya let me down easy
If I leave my heart with you tonight,
Will you promise me girl you're gonna treat it right
I'm barely hangin' on, so,if I fall, can you let me down easy
If I fall, can you let me down easy

Let me down easy babe."

The hope that starts

"Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love you'd die to heal
The hope that starts the broken hearts
You trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse."

Lunch plans?

lesbian-life
lesbians
lizzy-the-lezzy

These things take time

Healing, recovering, getting over, getting through... mending... these things all take time.

What's a girl to do when she has lost so much and has so little within her power to change any of it? Just wait.

On the mend...