Thursday, April 21, 2011

Intersections

Many relationships come to a point of intersection. What happens at that point depends on many factors. One would think that as with any other intersection, all parties may want to stop and look both ways before barreling through and causing an accident. This doesn't often happen though.
At the intersection between the ending of my previous relationship and the beginning of the one I've been in for quite some time now, I thought: do I stay where things were clearly had not been moving for quite some time, or do I journey on to where I believed my heart could find a place to love and grow?
The hardest parts about being at that intersection surrounded a spouse who didn’t seem to give two hoots before — but after I sought to follow a love that promised to "give a hoot"? That is when the battle began to rage.
Was the battle one of a husband who had finally "seen the light" and was willing to do the hard things to recreate a marriage full of love, growth and autonomy? No. The battle that was waged was one of “if you don’t do what I tell you   I will take your children from you.” This type of intersection is not solely my own. I have read this story so many times since I barely survived on so many levels as a result of the wars with my ex-husband.  
Here’s a good rule of thumb… if the person didn’t care enough while they were married to a woman to love her and make the marriage a loving and safe haven while they were lucky enough to have that woman in their life? Then chances are they aren't interested in anything other than saving pride and inflicting wounds. And the worst possible way they could seek to wound women once the relationship is over? *Attack them as mothers. *Threaten to take their children — or just as insidious? *Alienate affections of the children from their mother. 
Relationships end. That is part of life. But does it have to be a time of prolonged stealing, crashing and wounding? Or could it just be an intersection of life where two people move on safely in differing directions. 
In a perfect world people would be able to peacefully meet back at a more healthy intersection to share the children not divide or tear them apart. 
“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right - temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.” (Martin Luther King, Jr.)
Just a couple more thoughts penned by a friend:
Remember that the actions and beliefs of another person will never change your love for your children or for those around you who are true and good.
Their actions and beliefs are powerless, and will:
Never destroy your love
Never shatter your hope
Never corrode you faith
Never kill your friendship
Never suppress your memories
Never silence your courage
Never invade the soul
and can Never steal eternal life
Nor can they ever conquer your spirit.
Their actions and beliefs will however, continue to corrode their judgments and minds.